


Straight outta "Boys Don't Cry"

by orphan_account



Series: Zalex Week 2020 [1]
Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: 10x04, Angst, Charlie and Justin mentioned, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Scene Rewrite
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-07-08
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:40:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25151023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: "...and now Alex is smiling at him and Zach doesn't feel cold anymore.  He's sure, that at this moment, he's burning brighter than the end of his cigarette."Alex comforts Zach at the hospital.ZALEX WEEK day 1 - Hurt/Comfort
Relationships: Zach Dempsey & Alex Standall, Zach Dempsey/Alex Standall
Series: Zalex Week 2020 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1821970
Comments: 6
Kudos: 44





	Straight outta "Boys Don't Cry"

**Author's Note:**

> Hi this is my first fanfic so please leave any constructive criticism!!

After much convincing from Alex, Zach was sat in the waiting room for Justin. Though now that he came to think of it, it never took him much convincing when it came to Alex. A mere sign of upset on the smaller boy's face was enough to sober Zach up and lead him into an attempt to get his priorities straight. "Attempt" was also the keyword here. 

He sat slumped in the chair, the effects of the alcohol gradually fading and instead a migraine taking its place. Slowly looking up, he scans the room with hooded, tired eyelids. He was drained both physically and mentally and he began thinking of Justin lying there alone in that bed. He began thinking of the way he had treated him over these past few months, neglecting him when he needed him the most. He didn't even recognise his behavior. His weary eyes finally land on Alex across the waiting room, sitting next to Charlie with the sleeves of his hoodie pulled over his hands and resting upon his face. It didn't take Zach, despite his somewhat inebriated state, longer than a few seconds to realise that the hoodie was his own. Apple green and so big on Alexs dainty frame. A small grin begins to take over his face, his gaze trailing over the boy who had visibly red eyes and damp cheeks. Charlie was asleep by the side of him and Zach immediately felt envy toward their closeness though they weren't even touching. Zach acknowledged that if it were him sat next to Alex, they would be touching, an arm slung over Alex's shoulder and his nose pressed into his hair. A position they often fell into when Zach found himself in a state of distress and desperate need of reassurance, the smell of Alex's hair grounding him. But he hasn't felt grounded for a long time. 

As he begins to shake these invasive thoughts from his head, Zach looks up and his eyes catch Alex's and suddenly his heart is in his throat. He needs a drink. Alex begins to mouth something to him, with the hint of a smile on his face, but Zach can't seem to catch what he's trying to say. After a few more attempts Alex gives up and points down toward his phone with a roll of his eyes. Zach has never known anyone to make sarcasm seem so charming, no one but Alex. 

Zach reaches into the front pocket of his jeans and pulls out his phone. He has multiple missed calls from both his mother and May and his chest begins to tighten once again, he opts for texting May to let her know he's okay. A text from Alex then appears at the top of his phone. 

Do you want to go for a walk?

Zach can't help but smile down at his phone and he wants to scream at the top of his lungs Yes, I've wanted to do since we got into this stupid room! 

Instead, he simply looks back up to the brunette boy and into his questioning eyes, and nods. 

-

Alex is still holding Zach's hand from where he grabbed it in the waiting room and hauled him out into the hallway. Zach can't stop staring. They don't let go until they are down the stairs and out into the darkness, Alex shoves both his hands into the hoodie. Zach desperately wants to point out that the hoodie is his but he doesn't want to risk Alex giving it back to him, not when he looks the way he does in it. Zach breaks his gaze and moves to sit on the steps outside the hospital. These were the same steps he had been stuck to a few days previous and suddenly he felt like a coward all over again. Charlie's words were etched into his memory, "Justin needs you" yet Zach couldn't help but question why.

Alex sat next to him with a huff of crisp air and curled in on himself. He always ran cold, Zach knew that better than anyone. Months of PT taught you these sorts of things but maybe Zach was blaming it on that rather than admit that he paid too close attention to the boy. Still does. 

They don't speak for a while, don't need to. Not yet. Zach reaches into the pockets of his jeans for the second time and takes out a pack of cigarettes and his lighter. The same lighter that Alex got him for his birthday. The same lighter that has the letter 'Z + A' carved at the bottom. His thumb grazes instinctively over them. 

Alex scoffs, "You still got that thing?"

Zach looks up at him confused while he works on lighting the cigarette between his lips. 

"Well yeah dude, you got it for me." He tries not to think about the weight that the word "you" carries.

"I'm just impressed you managed not to lose it, that is why I got you a new lighter after all." and now Alex is smiling at him and Zach doesn't feel cold anymore. He's sure, that at this moment, he's burning brighter than the end of his cigarette.

"Hey! I'm very responsible thank you very much." Zach nudges him with his shoulder and feels even warmer than before. He likes it, he always likes being this close to Alex so he stays there, shoulder to shoulder with him. 

"You haven't been lately though, have you, Zach?" Alex states blankly, his smile has suddenly gone and Zach feels very cold again as he looks down at his shoes. 

He doesn't answer straight away and instead takes a few more drags from his cigarette before subconsciously offering it to Alex, he always wants to share everything with him. To his surprise, the boy takes it between his fingers and smokes it. Zach refuses to look up in fear of how he may react if he sees the smoke falling from his lips. The same lips that kissed him on that rooftop. The same lips that keep him up on the loneliest of nights. 

"Zach?" he repeats his name in the softest way possible and he passes the cigarette back to him and their fingers graze just for a moment.

"I'm a mess," Zach whispers, just loud enough for Alex to hear him. "I have been for a while I think."

"You've always been a mess, Zach," Alex starts and Zach interrupts him with a laugh. "we both are. But you always used to let me in."

Guilt washes over Zach's face. He was the one who had suggested to Alex that they should tell each other everything and he couldn't even stick to his promises. He didn't believe that anyone needed him anymore, Alex had recovered, Chloe has moved on and Justin was dying. He felt sick and now he really needed a drink. 

"I-" Zach's hands are trembling now around the cigarette. "I have no purpose anymore, Alex. No one needs me. The football team doesn't need me, fuck, they wouldn't want me even if I could play."

"That's not true Zach! They love you, you were the best player they had." Alex takes the cigarette out from between his fingers and stubs it out on the step below them. "It's not your fault your knee got busted, its a bad situation but you're so much more than football."

Zach laughs softly and he realises that without the cigarette his hands begin to tremble even more. Alex picks up on this and takes them into his own, cradling them in between their knees. Zach still hasn't looked up at him yet and now his eyes are focused on their hands, once again holding one another.

"No one needs me, Alex." Zach's voice is filled with both sadness and regret. His words are heavy as he thinks back on every single person he has let down in the past few months and it seems there are too many to count. 

"I-" Alex starts and his grip around Zach's hands tighten. "We all need you Zach and Justin needs you the most right now."

"You don't need me anymore."

"Of course I need you, why are you saying that shit?" Alex sounds slightly pissed off at Zach now yet his hands remain still. Zach feels safe.

"You have Charlie now, he's really good for you," Zach says, trying his hardest to hide the venom behind his words though he's afraid he's being too obvious. He swears he can hear Alex sigh. 

"Yeah I do but its never going to be you Zach." and he was right, Alex did sigh.

For the first time since they came outside, Zach looks up at Alex. Their faces are much closer than he anticipated but neither of them moves a muscle. 

"Sure, Charlie is great but," Alex is the one to look away now, Zachs burning gaze becoming too much for him to handle. "He doesn't get it, I don't think he ever will. He can't cope with my mood swings or the depression or all the fucked up shit that comes along with me-"

"Don't say that Alex, you're not fucked up," Zach shakes their intertwined hands in an attempt to get Alex to look at him. 

"I am fucked up Zach, and you know that. But you're just cool with it. You never judge me and you're so patient-" Alex starts but can't finish his sentence, he looks further away when his voice begins to tremble. "Jeez, I was meant to be cheering you up but now look at me."

"You have cheered me up, you always do," Zach says honestly and Alex slowly turns back towards him. Zach desperately wants to say you're the only one that makes me feel this way, you idiot. 

"This is what I mean," Alex is looking into his eyes again and they are redder than before, fresh tears threatening to spill over. "You just get me." 

Zach's face breaks out into a soft smile as he bumps his shoulder with Alex's once again. 

"No one would put up with my bullshit like you do," Zach can feel his eyes getting wet. "So thank you." 

Zach feels some weight lifting from his shoulders. He has told a version of the truth. He does truly believe no one would ever put up with him as Alex does. That no one would ever make him feel the way that Alex does. That much was proven true when he kissed Chloe at the party. Expecting to feel a spark of some sort, kissing Chloe was incomparable to the night he and Alex shared on that rooftop. All the hookups, all the meaningless makeout sessions were nothing when he had his kiss with Alex to compare it all back to. Nothing would fill that void ever again. 

Soon enough both him and Alex had tears streaming down their faces and Zach moved his hand to pull Alex in by the back of the head so he rested upon his shoulder. The first thing Zach did was lean down and press his nose into his hair. Alex.


End file.
